rumblings from the chasm

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Retirement Plan Investment Tip

7:19 pm, October 12, 2008 by jason in Funny, Rumblings

If you had purchased $1000.00 of AIG stock one year ago, it would now be
worth $56.91.

With Washington Mutual, you would have $120.36 left of the original $1000.

With ‘Fannie Mae’(FNM), you would have $11.34 left.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Lehman Bros one year ago it would now be
almost worthless; less than $0.86.

If you had purchased RH Donelley, you would have $45.69 left.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago,
drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling
refund you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to
drink heavily and recycle.

This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

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Unbelievable…

10:13 am, October 7, 2008 by jason in Funny, Our Crazy Life, Rants, Rumblings

Sunday night I did something that I’m amazed I’m going to admit to all of you, my three devoted readers…

I attended an Alanis Morissette concert at the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee.

In response to all of the gasps of of surprise and astonishment that I’m a closet Alanis fan, let me assure you that this is not the case.  Sydney’s friend Leah is Alansis’s personal assistant - this basically means she tends to all of the things that we consider daily chores and helps out on tour by bringing Alansis tea at a specific moment in the concert.  Anyway, I digress, Leah offered Sydney tickets to the show which we graciously accepted.  They were by the way, the best tickets for a concert I’ve ever had - thanks Leah.

In accepting we assumed we’d get to hang out with Leah either before or during the show, but during the 30 some texts that Syd exchanged with Leah we learned she’d be arriving from Chicago too late to hang out before the show and leaving too soon after the concert to hang out afterwards.  As neither one of us knew if Alanis had released any music since hearing her on the radio twelve years ago (yes that makes me feel old), we began to question going.  Following six seconds of deliberation we realized; yes,  we had to go as Leah was so kind to supply us tickets.

After putting Maia to bed and feeding Tarek we headed towards downtown at about 8:00 (I haven’t left to go out that late since I was in college - and I don’t think I’ve ever gone out that late on a Sunday.)  On the way down to the concert Leah text’d Sydney to ask where our seats where so she could bring us a couple of beers. It was then she had to confess to Leah that despite her recommendation, we didn’t see the opening act and had just left the house.  She must have understood that two kids are kinda demanding because she put the beers on ice instead of spitting in them.

We sat in our seats moments before Alanis took the stage and became amazed by what we saw and heard.  As I mentioned, netither Sydney nor I had any clue what songs Alanis was singing nor had we ever been to one of her concerts.  As a further note, the other concerts we’ve attened this year are Peter Mulvey at Turner Hall and Cafe Carpe and Ryan Adams at the Riverside — I now know that Alanis is a drastically different genre than those two.

We were surprised by the ‘rockin’ out that Alanis did in what I assume are her new songs.  These songs were much more metal than any of the sweeter balads that played on the radio so many years ago.  I really those songs as it was new music and it it was evident that Alanis and the band were having fun.  As some may know (I didn’t), Alanis often head bangs similar to the picture on the right and jumps around like a crazy five year old.  I was pretty amazed that she had that much energy and was able to regain her vocal composure only moments after running around on stage.

The other and potentially most amazing part of the concert were the fans.  I will again emphasize that walking into this I didn’t know that Alanis could fill the Riverside Theater on a Sunday evening with women and their boyfriends screaming and passionately singing along.  This experience showed me several things 1) There are a lot of women who intimately relate to Alanis 2) These women feel it is necessary to out sing Alanis during the concert creating a out singing competition which effectively makes it impossible to hear what is actually being sung.  3) These women have taken all of the ‘good men’ that other women complain about not being able to find.  This is evidenced bythese men stood and clapped at the same time as their female companions albeit at a less enthusiastic rate.

The final thing I learned at the concert is that Milwaukee has creepy guys too… During the first few songs two men felt the need to stand in the front row as they couldn’t contain their excitement.  This excitment was evidence in the yelling and pointing at Alanis when the rest of the crowd was sitting enjoying the show.  As the show continued on the intensity of the crowd and the creepy guys increased - the creepy guys were always more intense.  As Leah joined

us during beginning of the concert we mocked these two and determined that their excitement was only rationalized if they were gay.  It was the only way we can rationalize that their ability relate to the heartbroken songs that she was singing.  They related so well it produced yells of ‘You singit girl!” and ‘Yeeeha!’ and ‘Woooooo’ in pitches unknown to most men.  Unfortunately, this theory was squashed when we realized that the borderline obnoxious women directly in front of us where with the two creepy guys.  We figured this out when the four of them were the only people in the crowd standing  and pointing at each other as if saying ‘I rock because I’m in the front row!’ and responding ‘Yes you do rock, but I’m going to sneak up there and rock with you.’  I know that is what they were conveying in their pointing and whiplash inducing head shakes because each woman would take her ‘turn’ with the two creepy guys so she could participate in the pointing, shouting and loud singing.

While I jest about the experience of the Alanis concert I do have to say this - I had a good time and Alanis puts on a great concert.  And while I may wish that the fans were a bit more, um, less creepy - they provided a great source of entertainment.  So I really got two good shows for free instead of just one and had a good time.  Thanks again Leah!

By the way, thanks for the VIP passes - what were they for???

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Gilligan’d

11:56 am, July 11, 2008 by jason in Funny, Our Crazy Life, Rumblings

As many already know we were trying to take out Pam’s boat last weekend for a fun evening and it didn’t work out as planned.  I’d give you all of the details here, but Jeremy does such a good job go read his blog instead.

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